Nightmare

Intruders in our bedroom, two of them looking at me. I screamed, a full hearty scream that woke me and R up together, and I think I carried on for a bit.

I tried to articulate to him what I had seen, but I couldn't find the words to express the malignity of it.

But there, up pops my subconscious; words always help me. Malignity. I have one specifically malign problem, I fear another. Easy.

But I am dizzy and hopeless this morning, this feels terrible. I can't recall much about the intruders - I think one was female - but I still hear my own shrieks. They didn't entail that ragged low wooden sound of my voice scraping something out in the deepest sleep. They were the noise of a human in distress sounding the alarm. Ironically, it's a healthy response.

I made decisions about this summer. I decided that the issue would be sorted after good times, festivals and party stuff; as long as it's medically sound to do so, I'm not letting it get in the way of our lives. There's a weight to that, and it gets heavier each moment. Poor Donkey Body has had enough. I won't make her carry this much further.