Time, thought and etceteras

[smokingboot]

I must sleep.

Lots and lots and lots of shows, surely the audience is sick of me by now! I love my work, but I'm a bit dizzy. Imbolc is a strange time for me. Traditional paganism calls Halloween the time of the dead, but all my mentors seem to die around now, Gerald and Asphodel, and in less than a month, the anniversary of Rick's passing.

I haven't forgotten a thing. The measurement of time is a demi-fiction. I blame it on the druids and Stonenjjj. We were all fine until some fool decided we needed calenders.

So I was prepared to treat this as my time of mourning, except that little Miss Evie, daughter to the_lore, was christened on St Brigid's feast day, candlemass itself. As Brigid is a favourite goddess of mine and Lore is an excellent chum I took the hint and recognised that the cycle moves on and I move with it, death, life, babies, all that stuff. We had a lovely day.

I have an admirer, a producer/director with some success behind ready to be my, uh, friend. He doesn't work for the studio, I just bumped into him. Now I have seen the big house and the friendly dogs and the help ready with scripts etc, etc...now my mobile is jammed up with messages from him, delete, delete, delete...

I can't do the etcetera. Twenty years beyond the moment when he would have been attractive, twenty years beyond the moment when I would have been impressed or at least pleased at being pursued, I don't want to offend this charming and pleasant man, I just know what I want and what I don't want. Will I be sorry to have refused him, when there's no more work and the TV game is over? Never.

Cycles indeed, almost a fitting epitaph: she never got the plot and she never knew wisdom, she was always crazy and emotionally overloaded. But at some point, with a lot of joy in her heart, she kinda sorta grew up.

Comments

[hybridartifacts.livejournal.com]

Yikes! We missed Evie's christening? Things have been too damn stressful lately (impending financial doom does that I guess).

I would think that good part of knowing who you are and what you want in life is that one can be flattered by someone's attentions, but not feel that flattery will simply win you over ;)

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

I think you're right. It's just a moment of solidity, not to be taken so seriously that it fossilises us...I sometimes think there's this rush to be adult and have all the answers. It's the attempt to settle snugly into a sort of petrified plushy existence that drains our imaginations and makes us old - the wrong kind of old. Artists and poets seem to avoid it with ease!

Sorry to hear about your financial difficulties, I hope and trust things will improve. My thoughts go out to you xxx