Morning becomes Electra

[smokingboot]

So she can s*dding well keep it then. Why am I here? It's not a cosmic question, I have loads to do.
larians has organised for some house letting agent to come around, and see the house, uh, soon, I don't know when but I presume before Saturday, cos that's when I'm travelling back to London for more shows. He has also had to go to London this week, leaving the preparation and sorting of the house to me. He didn't do it on purpose (no really, that's what he tells me and I believe him) but it's a massive task and I'm knackered already.

I seem to have inadvertantly hurt my left hand, it stings and it's really stiff. I have to phone my accountant, and perhaps I have to speak to my doctor cos my period hasn't turned up and its well late. No, I don't think I am pregnant. I think I am pre-menopausal, or traumatised by the news I received in May, or just plain so tired my body insists I stop. I should listen to my bod, it's a reliable friend. Edited to add; Now that I've mentioned my period and seem ready to take its absence seriously, it returns like a sheepish lover. Clearly it just needed to know I care

I keep forgetting things. I went to the kitchen, made my first coffee, then came back in and did it again. It was only when I found I had used up the milk that I recalled my earlier efforts and wondered where my first coffee went. Unable to find it, I made a black coffee instead and came up here to check my emails. Sitting next to my pc was my first coffee, winking at me. I drank them together, now I'm on my third. Good morning Wednesday. It is Wednesday, right?

Comments

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Oh thank you for this. If only I could sleep...I do suffer awful moodswings, always have done but they seem sharper and deeper now. I will have no problems saying goodbye to menstruation, as long as my body keeps doing what I want the way I want it. Have come across women who feel 'less' once they can't menstruate and wonder how much of this is about them feeling that their true worth is as breeder, whether in actuality or potential.

Got no time for it myself.

[ravenrigan.livejournal.com]

Me, I feel somehow more, and less as well. Wiser, calmer, more myself, less given to public display, except when it matters, (when as you know, I do it in spades) but it matters less and less.

Most importantly, all the creativity that was somehow held in the potentiality of my cycle has been released and is available to me.

I love it. All my life I feel like I have been a slave to my hormones, now I am becoming me. I am becoming both gentler and more fierce.

I am starting to regret some of my lifes choices and make new ones. And to revisit some of the ones I have abandoned. But the urgency has gone. Even though there is less time, there is somehow more.

But I am also very aware of the need to sleep, to eat well even to get some excercise (which I loathe), to look after this crone woman, because if I don't she will fail me, crawl inside her cavern and let life happen around her, and my life isn't set up for that to be OK.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

I guess I won't know how much of my anger is me and how much is my body until a few years from now, when things are done.

The girl's body and her desire to play is back with me; I like the way I look more than I ever have, I love that I can run and climb trees... I'm a tomboy when I want to be, girlygirly when the mood takes me. But there's still so much to do, and so many questions left to answer!

[ravenrigan.livejournal.com]

I have always envied you your lithe and mobile body - never really had one of those!

But the questions - life has its way of supplying answers, but comes with no guarantee that you're going to like them ;-)