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smokingbootNight show yesterday, ended at 3 am, home at 4 woke up not very long ago, full of brown phlegm. Everything aches.
The good thing about this kind of drifting temperature stuff is that if I surrender to it, I get great trance visions, waking dreams, stuff that becomes, if not good stories, great pictures in my head. The bad thing is that I have stuff to do, I can't just let go and flow into it, I have to put clothes on and do things.
But I want to stop, really I do.
A few nights ago after a show, a colleague lured me out to the pub and we talked. And I sort of slipped into trance, easier cos I am burning up all the time, aided by some alcohol...and we spoke.
As is my way, I forgot. I have only entered a true trance state very few times, once I think when studying at the Arthur Findlay College with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ellistar and scarylady and a couple of other times. On all occasions, there are a couple of consistent symptoms. These turned up in the pub with my friend, who phoned me the next day, and told me that I 'changed.' Apparently I go very white indeed, I glow(I know, I know!) and I look beautiful. It may well be that I turn into Mr Burns the Alien ('I bring you peeeeeess, I bring you laaaaav...), cos I never remember.
My friend is undergoing an epiphany in his spiritual work, and he honours me by saying that on that night I was the 'High Priestess' who channelled it and brought it about.
I am flattered. But I do not know what it is.
I do not think I'm a spiritualist. This whole sense of guides, angels and a kind of wafty governing board guiding you along...you see, I'm not sure. One thing I know; predictions from mediums and channellers can be just as inaccurate as those from card-readers or any kind of fortune teller. So if the guides are there, how can they be wrong? The answer we are encouraged to give is 'Free will can change things.' So if free will can change things, what are we predicting? A dream, a possible outcome, one of many hopes? Surely that is just another story...
And some of the reasons I have heard for Why The Prediction Doesn't Work, are so Christian victorian it makes me puke. Often it is for your higher good. Often it was not meant to be. And over the whole thing there is this pall of Pangloss, that this is the best of all possible worlds.
I do not believe these things. I think if the gods need to torture you to teach you, then screw the gods.
But this trance thing, I don't know what it is. It's been reported to me now by people who do not know each other and do not know my history, and the reports are the same; white, creamy skin, glowing, beautiful, radiant...they never tell me what is said. So what is going on?
If I am channelling, what am I channelling? Are they seeing or reading some deeper part of themselves in my words, are they connecting into a different me, am I exhibiting vaguely schizoid behaviours translated into a benign form* or some other being, or...I don't know I don't feel sick or anything afterwards, I feel good, and they feel very good, so the occurence, as far as I can tell, is benign. It is also rare - in my whole life, this has happened to me no more than 6 or 7 times.
One solution is that I might just be a drunk among rejoicing drunks. But the other night with my friend is the only time it has turned up in a non-spiritual situation. At the Arthur Findlay College one was lucky to find a cup of strong tea.
I have to point out that this is not the same as using some sixth sense to predict the future, or the art of understanding the cards. I could never charge for it on any level, because I don't know what it is or what it does, though I am pretty certain it doesn't predict. I don't suppose it matters as it turns up so seldom. But I am glad it made my friend happy.
*Very close to anthropological explanations of how shamanism creates a positive place for some forms of mental illness in tribal societies..
The good thing about this kind of drifting temperature stuff is that if I surrender to it, I get great trance visions, waking dreams, stuff that becomes, if not good stories, great pictures in my head. The bad thing is that I have stuff to do, I can't just let go and flow into it, I have to put clothes on and do things.
But I want to stop, really I do.
A few nights ago after a show, a colleague lured me out to the pub and we talked. And I sort of slipped into trance, easier cos I am burning up all the time, aided by some alcohol...and we spoke.
As is my way, I forgot. I have only entered a true trance state very few times, once I think when studying at the Arthur Findlay College with
ellistar and scarylady and a couple of other times. On all occasions, there are a couple of consistent symptoms. These turned up in the pub with my friend, who phoned me the next day, and told me that I 'changed.' Apparently I go very white indeed, I glow(I know, I know!) and I look beautiful. It may well be that I turn into Mr Burns the Alien ('I bring you peeeeeess, I bring you laaaaav...), cos I never remember.My friend is undergoing an epiphany in his spiritual work, and he honours me by saying that on that night I was the 'High Priestess' who channelled it and brought it about.
I am flattered. But I do not know what it is.
I do not think I'm a spiritualist. This whole sense of guides, angels and a kind of wafty governing board guiding you along...you see, I'm not sure. One thing I know; predictions from mediums and channellers can be just as inaccurate as those from card-readers or any kind of fortune teller. So if the guides are there, how can they be wrong? The answer we are encouraged to give is 'Free will can change things.' So if free will can change things, what are we predicting? A dream, a possible outcome, one of many hopes? Surely that is just another story...
And some of the reasons I have heard for Why The Prediction Doesn't Work, are so Christian victorian it makes me puke. Often it is for your higher good. Often it was not meant to be. And over the whole thing there is this pall of Pangloss, that this is the best of all possible worlds.
I do not believe these things. I think if the gods need to torture you to teach you, then screw the gods.
But this trance thing, I don't know what it is. It's been reported to me now by people who do not know each other and do not know my history, and the reports are the same; white, creamy skin, glowing, beautiful, radiant...they never tell me what is said. So what is going on?
If I am channelling, what am I channelling? Are they seeing or reading some deeper part of themselves in my words, are they connecting into a different me, am I exhibiting vaguely schizoid behaviours translated into a benign form* or some other being, or...I don't know I don't feel sick or anything afterwards, I feel good, and they feel very good, so the occurence, as far as I can tell, is benign. It is also rare - in my whole life, this has happened to me no more than 6 or 7 times.
One solution is that I might just be a drunk among rejoicing drunks. But the other night with my friend is the only time it has turned up in a non-spiritual situation. At the Arthur Findlay College one was lucky to find a cup of strong tea.
I have to point out that this is not the same as using some sixth sense to predict the future, or the art of understanding the cards. I could never charge for it on any level, because I don't know what it is or what it does, though I am pretty certain it doesn't predict. I don't suppose it matters as it turns up so seldom. But I am glad it made my friend happy.
*Very close to anthropological explanations of how shamanism creates a positive place for some forms of mental illness in tribal societies..
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no subject
Date: 2011-01-19 03:15 pm (UTC)Get well soon and then you two must come to the Gin Palace for booze, food and chat! x
no subject
Date: 2011-01-19 03:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-19 03:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-19 05:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-19 06:01 pm (UTC)And what is it for? What does it do? What was said? When I have come across it before, it seems like it turns up, looks great and bimbles off. I get assured it was wise and eye opening, but no-one ever tells me details, I presume because the physical change seems noticeable enough for people to go 'Wow! Look what's happening!' and maybe not tune into what's being said.
My friend however, is made of more robust stuff, and in general is good at definition. I will be nabbing him at some point and seeing if I can find out a bit more without pawing too hard at his experience.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-19 10:13 pm (UTC)At some point I should introduce you to
no subject
Date: 2011-01-20 10:03 am (UTC)Regarding what occurred, I would very much like it to happen among chums who would observe/record it, so we could try to work out what it actually is. Trouble is, I can't guarantee it will turn up at all.
People have told me that something similar happens when I do oracular goddess work, but I do not know if it is the same. Open pagan rituals, like open spirit circle, tend to be quite controlled. This is not the same.