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smokingbootSo I have made another appointment for a blood test.
This has been hanging around for months. It'a about finding out if I am entering the menopause. Got no problems with that - never wanted kids, don't want them now - but I am very needle phobic. I have been getting better over the past couple of years, but I am still afraid. I have made an appointment to minimise waiting around, but I can already feel a fear starting. One has to fast for 10 hours beforehand, so it's not something you can just walk in and do; you have to be mindful.
Oh dear, I hate injections so much.
I have never had a blood test in my whole life, or at least, in my whole remembered life. My medical notes don't have records of a blood test, though I have been a vaccination/inoculation pincushion since I was very young. It's shocking that I have never given blood, but I just can't explain it. Injections hurt me, they really do, and I start to panic before I have one.
I am panicking now. Not a panic attack, or I couldn't write this. I am not one for such things. But I can feel a kind of weird bubbling in my stomach, a quiet nausea, and my eyes are beginning to fill with tears.
48 and never had a blood test, the doctor joked I must be very healthy. Truth is, I don't fall ill that much, and when I do, all I have to do is listen to my bod. If it says sleep I sleep, if it says eat I eat, if it says don't eat I don't eat. Sometimes stuff happens, but my body gets over it. I know I am lucky in that regard.
I would ignore this but I can't. My great-grandmother suffered from osteoporosis, and because I am small and thin (er...ish) the doc reckons it could be a possibility for me. And anyway, it's good to know what is going on.
Oh but I don't want to do this. The centre is always so crowded, from embarrassed STD patients to weary mothers with four or five children hanging off them like carrier bags full of scream. Nowhere for them to go, nowhere for me to hide.
I hate this whole thing so much. Tears and nausea have gone for now. Reckon some comforting soup and cheese will help sort this out.
This has been hanging around for months. It'a about finding out if I am entering the menopause. Got no problems with that - never wanted kids, don't want them now - but I am very needle phobic. I have been getting better over the past couple of years, but I am still afraid. I have made an appointment to minimise waiting around, but I can already feel a fear starting. One has to fast for 10 hours beforehand, so it's not something you can just walk in and do; you have to be mindful.
Oh dear, I hate injections so much.
I have never had a blood test in my whole life, or at least, in my whole remembered life. My medical notes don't have records of a blood test, though I have been a vaccination/inoculation pincushion since I was very young. It's shocking that I have never given blood, but I just can't explain it. Injections hurt me, they really do, and I start to panic before I have one.
I am panicking now. Not a panic attack, or I couldn't write this. I am not one for such things. But I can feel a kind of weird bubbling in my stomach, a quiet nausea, and my eyes are beginning to fill with tears.
48 and never had a blood test, the doctor joked I must be very healthy. Truth is, I don't fall ill that much, and when I do, all I have to do is listen to my bod. If it says sleep I sleep, if it says eat I eat, if it says don't eat I don't eat. Sometimes stuff happens, but my body gets over it. I know I am lucky in that regard.
I would ignore this but I can't. My great-grandmother suffered from osteoporosis, and because I am small and thin (er...ish) the doc reckons it could be a possibility for me. And anyway, it's good to know what is going on.
Oh but I don't want to do this. The centre is always so crowded, from embarrassed STD patients to weary mothers with four or five children hanging off them like carrier bags full of scream. Nowhere for them to go, nowhere for me to hide.
I hate this whole thing so much. Tears and nausea have gone for now. Reckon some comforting soup and cheese will help sort this out.
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Date: 2011-03-03 06:32 am (UTC)Right now, the doctor is convinced I'm pregnant. He's been convinced for about a year now. I've gone through hot flushes and I'm missing periods every now and then, with occasional breast tenderness.The mood swings are just terrible, though admittedly they've never been good...calm would be good. The sexy thing, I have never linked to Oestregen anyway, for me that's all about babies, not beauty. No man goes with me for the allure of my womb, I'm happy to avoid that - though I'd like to avoid developing a beard at the other extreme!
I do want a different life though - see what you're doing? I understand that newness. Do you know any books/links that could tell me how to begin?
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Date: 2011-03-03 11:08 am (UTC)Re books, A whistling woman is up to no good by Laurel sombodyother is a really good book for releasing creativity. Women who run with the wolves is also good (but I found it a bit pompous and wordy in places).
I think the fact that you are yearning for a change is another very good indicator of "the Change" though I'm not sure I'd advocate anything quite as radical as my "Tower" experience.
What I'm doing was not entirely of my volition and is determined as much by what I can no longer bear than by what I want.
It's not so much courage as a triumph of insane optimism over realism. I'm going with it for the moment, because I am so fed up with being the realistic responsible one but it ain't easy.
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Date: 2011-03-03 12:28 pm (UTC)I understand that. I find myself in a situation similar if not in facts and details, certainly in feeling. It is a question of how to go about it and requires a little thought from me x
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Date: 2011-03-03 05:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-05 09:33 am (UTC)