Pausing, thinking, cursing chuggers
Sep. 4th, 2013 02:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smokingbootI have been trying to write properly again, something magical and of myself, though this journal is not about reflecting that. It's solely about the discipline of writing every day, however little, however banal. Now I stop because I have written something dazzlingly painful elsewhere, and I need to catch my breath. It isn't even well written yet, it may never be, but it is a bit more alive than other stuff I have been playing with. I think.
For a moment I must stop, and just let my mind relax. A friend has invited me to go northwards to the Lake District with her, and this would be fantastic, but I am visiting Spain in the second week of October, and Whitby at the end. The lakes in late autumn might be dismal, or they might be astonishing.
I'm talking nonsense. The lakes are always astonishing.
Edited to add: So pah, I am a numpty and cannot have my way. And it's all my own fault.
Got assailed by a charity mugger on my own doorstep; she was an RSPCA ninja, and she told me about how cruelty levels have gone up. Specifically around here, it's dog fighting, but there's plenty of old fashioned straightforward neglect and all the rest of it. I signed up to sponsor a kennel for a year.
Due to my interesting grasp of maths, I rounded £1.50 a week down to 'about £50 a year.' I am clearly a little out on my estimate, which would be no real deal if so much wasn't going towards holiday stuff in October; Spain will be cheap but Whitby, with all the attendant victorian/gothic kit etc, may well total up somewhat. So a winter trek to the Lake District is probably out of the question.
I don't want it to be. Cancelling the direct debit is a possibility, but I'm not doing it, not even with the awareness of being so easily emotionally manipulated. I don't regret what I have done, I just want to have enough money to do what feels right and add to my good time collection, but OK, broke for now, less broke later...and the Lakes aren't going anywhere.
Sometimes it is reassuring to remember that I am in fact, very spoilt.
For a moment I must stop, and just let my mind relax. A friend has invited me to go northwards to the Lake District with her, and this would be fantastic, but I am visiting Spain in the second week of October, and Whitby at the end. The lakes in late autumn might be dismal, or they might be astonishing.
I'm talking nonsense. The lakes are always astonishing.
Edited to add: So pah, I am a numpty and cannot have my way. And it's all my own fault.
Got assailed by a charity mugger on my own doorstep; she was an RSPCA ninja, and she told me about how cruelty levels have gone up. Specifically around here, it's dog fighting, but there's plenty of old fashioned straightforward neglect and all the rest of it. I signed up to sponsor a kennel for a year.
Due to my interesting grasp of maths, I rounded £1.50 a week down to 'about £50 a year.' I am clearly a little out on my estimate, which would be no real deal if so much wasn't going towards holiday stuff in October; Spain will be cheap but Whitby, with all the attendant victorian/gothic kit etc, may well total up somewhat. So a winter trek to the Lake District is probably out of the question.
I don't want it to be. Cancelling the direct debit is a possibility, but I'm not doing it, not even with the awareness of being so easily emotionally manipulated. I don't regret what I have done, I just want to have enough money to do what feels right and add to my good time collection, but OK, broke for now, less broke later...and the Lakes aren't going anywhere.
Sometimes it is reassuring to remember that I am in fact, very spoilt.
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no subject
Date: 2013-09-04 08:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-04 08:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-05 08:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-05 08:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-06 10:35 pm (UTC)And yes "afford" didn't mean - not a penny to spare, it just meant other things including my own sanity in some respect took precedence. They (with the best intentions) entirely work off emotional manipulation and I actually fucking resent that.
Seriously, cancel it and continue to apply your efforts and finances in ways that you direct.
no subject
Date: 2013-09-06 10:52 pm (UTC)How lucid you are, lovely squeezypaws.
I will think very hard.