Punching Arnie
Sep. 24th, 2013 06:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smokingbootI have been doing a little conservation work recently, for a number of reasons. The most important is the beauty of it, the magic of the wood, but there are other bonuses too; courses you can go on gratis. Today's was Emergency First Aid, during which, among other things, I was initiated into the mysteries of CPR.
It was all rather strange. We had to practice on these dummies known as Little Annies - a misnomer as they were clearly little Arnies - and my first practical decision was to demand that all first aid boxes everywhere should include, along with safety pins, adhesive tape and water-resistant elastoplast, a fully charged defibrillator.
Apparently this was not to be. We were going to learn the tried and trusted method of 'massaging the heart,' i.e punching through the ribcage repeatedly until something gives. The idea is to do 30 chest compressions of about 5/6 cms each at a rate of 100 to 120 per minute, then blow two breaths into the mouth (what used to be called the 'kiss of life') then do the 30 again, repeat until proper breathing starts, or an ambulance turns up, or some other authority arrives to drag you off while you punch the air screaming,'Think you're tough, dooyah? dooyah?' at the patient's sternum.
Turns out that, while not a natural first aider, I do seem to have an aptitude for punching. However, perfect pace was a problem, until our instructor told us of a song we could keep track to. He made everyone sing while I thumped Arnie over and over at breakneck speed. I kid you not, here it is, and apparently the chorus is the perfect rhythm; just don't go slow on the verses.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_a-m3pH9Dr8
This, btw, is why the NHS will live forever.
It was all rather strange. We had to practice on these dummies known as Little Annies - a misnomer as they were clearly little Arnies - and my first practical decision was to demand that all first aid boxes everywhere should include, along with safety pins, adhesive tape and water-resistant elastoplast, a fully charged defibrillator.
Apparently this was not to be. We were going to learn the tried and trusted method of 'massaging the heart,' i.e punching through the ribcage repeatedly until something gives. The idea is to do 30 chest compressions of about 5/6 cms each at a rate of 100 to 120 per minute, then blow two breaths into the mouth (what used to be called the 'kiss of life') then do the 30 again, repeat until proper breathing starts, or an ambulance turns up, or some other authority arrives to drag you off while you punch the air screaming,'Think you're tough, dooyah? dooyah?' at the patient's sternum.
Turns out that, while not a natural first aider, I do seem to have an aptitude for punching. However, perfect pace was a problem, until our instructor told us of a song we could keep track to. He made everyone sing while I thumped Arnie over and over at breakneck speed. I kid you not, here it is, and apparently the chorus is the perfect rhythm; just don't go slow on the verses.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_a-m3pH9Dr8
This, btw, is why the NHS will live forever.
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Date: 2013-09-26 02:37 am (UTC)Oh, you did, did you?
SUCKER!
Spittle control!
Date: 2013-09-26 05:49 am (UTC)