Of Soldiers

[smokingboot]

When I was a child I used to scream at the idea of World War I. The second one, I understood we could not avoid after the first. But that first...no never. I grew up with the poppy and was taught the waste of war more than any glory. I hated passionately those imbeciles who drove boys like sheep into the firing lines.

I know that soldiers are very often the worst thing that can happen to a place, to its people. Even in peacetime, they were shunned. I came from an army town, but my father was ex-RAF and he'd have kept me in purdah til my 20s if he ever thought I went out with a squaddie.

Still.

I have been in danger a few times, due to being something of an idiot, but only had to fight, truly fight, just once. And I am still recovering from it. I cannot understand what it is like to do that every day, to face that possibility every day until...until god knows when. And yes, it's what they sign up for. But they were not ready for that war, who could be? There's a kind of idiocy I can imagine, the 'How the fuck did I end up here?' riot, the blank incomprehension of what the hell is happening. Perhaps this is why I empathise so strongly with the beasties in war. Unlikely that I would have been more clued up than a horse or a dog.

Something chokes in me when I think of their ghosts; I have seen a couple. Whether that's just my craziness talking others may decide for themselves. Sometimes in my minds I see a pale man sitting on a green near one of the World War One village crosses. He has a smile and is smoking a cigarette. He's looking for his home, a house nearby. I don't think he knows that his cottage, and his England come to that, are gone just like he is.

It comforts and angers me to know they faced so much. It makes me see reality, heroism, pragmatism even, as well as pain and the nightmare, the insanity of it. It reminds me that I only needed a little courage, and they needed so much. And for those who just wanted to run but couldn't, yes, I get that.

It can never be true empathy; I wasn't there. And how something that hurts, and humbles me so much can be a comfort I can never explain. I wish it had never happened. But as it did, and we can never take it back, I am proud of them. They show me how to be brave.

Comments

[squeezypaws.livejournal.com]

Empathy at its most powerful Debbie. Wishing you, and them peace x

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Thank you lady. What a beautiful flower - is it Frangipane?