Difficult

[smokingboot]

It's all so gorgeous right now, I feel for a friend who is having hard times, while everything around us is bursting into life. Yesterday was spent in the presence of that rare creature, a baby who combines beauty with congeniality. My niece is fabulous, all eyelashes, dimples, and delight at the world. But I suppose there is the possibility of a teeny smidgeon of bias on my part.

Ah but my friend.

I don't know how to be a good friend to her. Things are tough, very tough, but she is beginning to hurt herself with her dedication to worst case scenarios. She reasons that she feels that way because bad luck seems to find her, but I can't help feeling that her assumptions make her ready to translate misfortunes that could happen to anyone into dire curses descending uniquely upon her.

There's been more than a moment's discomfort in our conversations recently. Money is a serious issue. 'If only I had a rich friend who could help me!' She said, and there was something in the tenor of it that felt a bit... I don't know, maybe she was just speaking generally, but I couldn't help wondering if that little wish was aimed at me. When I told R, he seemed pretty sure it was, but then he didn't hear it. Still, it was an odd thing to say, and it certainly felt awkward at the time. She cannot possibly think that I am rich, but her views on many things have been distorted by distress.

I think she is looking at someone else's easy-seeming life, and just hoping for a moment's fairy godmother, a minor miracle. R looked very serious when we discussed it. 'She needs thousands, not hundreds,' He warned, 'I know you want to help, but even if you could, you would have to accept that she's unlikely to be able to pay it back ever. I don't think you can afford it as a loan, never mind a gift.'

And he's right.

But I don't seem to be able to be a good friend to her in any other way. The narrative of bad energy attracted to her is more alluring than some mate saying, 'No, hun, you've just made some questionable choices...' It's not comforting and she shuts down on hearing it.