Retreat

[smokingboot]

Because despite all the fascinating noise online, I really can't carry on letting myself be diverted.
I have to finish. It's at that combing out tangles stage, time to edit jarring notes of language, the lack of flow that seems to be troubling me. And there's so much of it!

DW's OK, but FB is just too busy. Twitter's gibbering.

I have done some work this morning, but have to stop now. There's a point when one's eye is just moving over the page, connecting with nothing.

The Culture wars rage all around. For victory, both sides require control and I am not interested in control.

There is something so strange about this immense tiredness that comes upon me. I do wonder if I had Covid at some point and now suffer from this tremendous fatigue in the aftermath. Very annoying.

Comments

[mallorys_camera]

I do wonder if I had Covid at some point

Could be. Could also be the stress of this immensely strange existence we're all living.

This amount of change in such a short period of time creates an enormous amount of purely somatic stress—heightened cortisol levels, etc.

[smokingboot]

Somatic stress, yes, that's a possibility, especially as the lockdown hasn't caused me any conscious mental stress at all. I have the goad that's always there, this sense of stuff I must do that isn't moving fast enough. Of course, interacting with the human world through screens can be a real nail biter, not through anxiety so much as becoming a mantra of frustration:

Stop lying
Stop telling me what to do
Stop being ridiculous
Stop milking my feelings
Stop lying
Stop telling me what to do
Stop being ridiculous
Stop milking my feelings
Stop lying
Stop lying
Stop!

Maybe my body's taking the strain. For sure, I am completely exhausted.

[mallorys_camera]

Ohhhh! I like your mantra! I may steal it. 😀

[smokingboot]

You're welcome! 😀