Lost Boys

Jul. 28th, 2021 07:25 am
smokingboot: (individualism)
[personal profile] smokingboot
I accumulate gay brothers.

They are very intelligent, tremendously imaginative, strangely attuned to music; the intensity of the connection differs, there are complex elements to each and they are not equal to each other by a long way. But there's a touch of madness to all of them.

And I lose them.


Bro 1, the birth brother is on his way back, but I will always need to watch out for that one time in ten when it all gets horrible. Bro 2 is gone. I think I have dreamed of him because Bro 3 is trying to return; Orb Lord messaged me last night with various filters on a given crop circle that he is convinced is spelling out the letters of his name.

'I really am trying, Sis,' he said, something like that.

I told him I appreciated that, but didn't understand what he was trying to show me. Another message from him followed but I haven't read it yet.

When he is being Metatron's Brat I can dismiss/ignore him. When he calls me 'sis' it's much harder. We have been, genuinely, like the kindest and best of family.

My failure is apparent; One would think my earlier experiences would stand me in good stead, but they don't. All I have learned to do is control my temper, but still, all conversations head the same way.

Very late night last night, can't work this out at all yet. In any case, this will soon have to be deferred thanks to roaming charges.

But I find myself mystified by my connection to these men, their minds full of strange dreams that they somehow express in real terms, even if it wipes them out or disappoints them. I do not express my inner worlds so easily for all people think the opposite.

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