Voice

[smokingboot]

A night of comparatively calm sleep despite the howling wind outside, I thought I was awake lying there. Then lots of purple, and a voice saying;

'Your brother has been killed.'


But to quote the song, dreams can tell a lie. I have had about three of these voice-in-the-ear type dreams (deathtalkers, I call them) and while I don't want to goad fate, their record for accuracy has been reassuringly poor. The first was a furious weird male voice roaring about my lost cat, and thankfully talking utter b*ll*cks. The second was a peculiar one this year; it was on the 2nd July that a voice calmly said to me 'he's had an accident.' I later learned that Robert Price died on the morning of /night before my birthday. The first voice felt like just some nasty explosion out of my terrified psyche. I worry more when the voice is calm.

I sometimes wonder if this is nascent mental illness of the schizophrenic type that Mum developed, which does have a genetic component. Down to me to stay aware, record, keep calm ... We are not talking a frequent occurrence. Besides, yesterday was a tense day, especially watching Titans season 3 last night which drew so strongly from



Plus I get my booster today. Ugh, I hate this so much. Sick of the nanny nursey finger wagging. don't be a baby it doesn't hurt! Well, it hurts me. They take their time to push that stuff in. And yes, I would prefer to take my chances with Covid personally, but don't want to bring harm to unvaccinated idiots like my brilliant but loon mother, so this is what I do. But I fcking hate it. I feel sick this morning.

There then, that's all the punch behind the dream, I get it, but still feel terrible.

Comments

[thisnewday]

Yes, I hate "the stick" as well but do it because I know the alternative for my own compromised lungs and for those of my grandson who never worked in the industrial hell that I did, foolishly, unnecessarily, against the wishes and despite the efforts of my family, on my behalf, to allow me the choices that they never had.

But I ramble on, as I did this morning in the twilight of not-quite-sleep, not-quite-dream. Which excuses nothing--my choices then, my behavior now, in making this about me when it's properly about you, your voices heard in your dreams.

All of this to say, I wish you well today, that any pain is quickly forgotten and that you, and those you love, are indeed kept safe and well by what you've wisely, and for them, decided to do...

[smokingboot]

Thank you, you are very kind - I don't think you have made this about yourself, you just remind me of why I'm doing it. I appreciate those wishes! :-)

I don't know if it does keep people safe really, but can't risk folks' well being.

I guess we are all making the same choices for the same reasons.