The Matryoshka

[smokingboot]

Of all the dumb things to trigger a sad memory, the Will Smith/Chris Rock thing that happened at the Oscars has got to be the dumbest.

It reminds me of when I slapped someone in front of a whole bunch of other people. He deserved it, not for a hurtful joke but for a real inconstancy of heart. It wasn't a romance thing, we were good friends who had had a terrible argument, I tried to make it up and he seemed up for that. Then he went to the men's room of all things, came back and suddenly reverted to loathing. Astonished and hurt, I gave him a crack across the face.

This was many years ago, and most of me, most of me, this happy adult to whom life has given so much, considers the slap a very wrong thing to have done. We live in a society where decent men are trained not to hit women, so though I didn't realise it at the time, I had an advantage which my better nature or at least my sense of fairness should have prevented me from using.

There is a smaller feral part of me, which I would place at the age of about 9, that wishes the slap to have been much harder, and thinks I should have jumped on him, bitten him and kicked the living s**t out of him til someone dragged me off. Not for hating me if he couldn't help that, but for his initial moments of pretending to be warm and affable. Stay loving me or stay hating me, but don't switch dishes at the last, or something's ending up on the floor.

There is an even smaller part of me that wishes some big protective daddy figure had marched up to him and given him a satisfying punch you could actually hear, just like Will Smith did. It has been a very long time since I had that kind of guardian, and let's face it, he may have been a complete psychopath.

And there is a tiny tiny heart of me that is still distressed at the whole thing, and wishes the argument had never happened, that we were still friends. But water under the bridge and all that... It's a complex world. And a long time ago.

Bloody hell, Will, you brought back something I haven't recalled in years. Don't punch people. However, if you are going to punch people, it might as well be that smug sod Chris Rock. And don't cry afterwards, there really is never any point to that at all.

Comments

[mallorys_camera]

I've slapped my kids.

And I don't regret it for a single second.

And we are still friends.

Last night was the first Oscar broadcast I had absolutely no interest in watching. For an X-People Mag writer, that's saying something! (I actually attended the ceremony as a reporter in 1997 and 1998, which was as surreal as you may imagine.)

Comedians make jokes. That's what they do. Is it mean to make a joke about someone's autoimmune disease? I suppose. I suppose it's mean to make a joke about anything if you get right down to it since humor is always rooted in belittling real pain to a lesser or greater extent. But I dunno—I think there's something healing in encouraging people to laugh at their own pain. It diminishes that pain more effectively than any amount of therapy, at least in my (never humble) opinion.

I'm the opposite of you: I like Chris Rock, find Will Smith loathesome (probably because he's a closet Scientologist—one of Hollywood's more open secrets—and I hate Scientologists.)

[smokingboot]

Humour is often unkind. I certainly think Chris had the right to say what he said, though I would hesitate to make fun of someone on the one thing they are extremely self conscious about, and I never feel quite comfortable when a man uses a woman's looks to fuel his jokes. That stuff is old. I agree with what you say about encouraging people to laugh at their own pain, but I don't think Chris was doing that. The joke was about her, not for her.

Didn't know about Will being a scientologist. This explains why his later work is so cumbersome and self aware. I don't know what happens to these guys, their work seems to become heavy yet weirdly insubstantial. Scientology is an appalling pile of crap,I don't get why so many fall for it.

I appreciate Chris Rock's ability, but there's something about him that just grates on me. Never been able to analyse it beyond an aversion to his strange eyebrows, and the expression of a permanent wisecrack on his face. I am that unfair audience he can't please!

[mallorys_camera]

You are under no obligation to like Chris Rock!!! 😀

If Mrs. Will Smith were that self-conscious about her alopecia, she'd wear a wig. Many, many middle-aged women develop alopecia, and many, many of them wear wigs. I'm not saying she should wear a wig, by the way.

My thought is basically that it's okay for men to use women's looks to fuel their jokes, and it's okay for women to use men's looks to fuel their jokes. I am a fan of jokes! 😀

I didn't watch the Oscars last night, so I don't know the exact circumstances around the joke. But my understanding is that it was a G.I. Jane joke. Pretty mild as jokes go, in other words.

[smokingboot]

I feel I should like him, because he's smart! What kind of judgement is impaired by eyebrow bias?😀

I like jokes too, and think we could all do with returning to a more robust attitude. 21st century first world fragility is lidderally killing comedy! But there are points beyond which I begin to feel uncomfortable. I didn't watch the whole show but saw the lead up, and yes, it was pretty mild. Not worth a punch, but not funny either, just a poke.

As to wearing wigs, well, hmm, wigs are untrustworthy friends. Back in the 90s I had a wig for a while, and what a wig it was! Really gorgeous, long fawn coloured hair that looked natural and very alluring. One night I wore it to the notorious Wong Kei's Chinese restaurant near Soho. I didn't secure it properly, some stray strands got caught on a passing waiter, the wig flew off my head and across the room, landing in someone's food. In 1980 I'd have been offered a sitcom. In 2022 I would have been Instafamous and after being trolled to hell, might have got a guest spot on a blog to talk about my trauma. I can't work out if this is progress or not.

[mallorys_camera]

The very deepest trauma in Andy Warhol's life—deeper than Kaposi's sarcoma, and heroin ODs, and beautiful men who did not love him—was the day his wig got ripped off his head by a detractor posing as a fan.

[smokingboot]

I recall it being at once distressing and very funny.

But for a man like Andy Warhol, I can imagine the pain must have been beyond description.