Meanwhile

[smokingboot]

Oh yes, the alarm. The alarm has stopped going off at every opportunity. Maybe the catsitter was right and the whole thing was down to some phantom trying to tell me something (probably 'fix your alarm') but let's start at the start.

ALARM
1)Alarm goes nuts. Contact company, in comes Engineer who says 'Ooh, this is old. Want a new one?'
2) I say 'maybe later. Can you repair this?'
3) He says 'I can put in a new battery. That's the usual problem.' Does so.
Call out; free, new battery installation: £80.
4) Alarm goes insane over the next week, on one day going off something like 8 times.
5) I phone company and am told engineer will be in touch. Also asked if I would like a new battery system.
6) Engineer gets in touch, apologises but says he will have to charge me £80 call out to fix whatever he failed to fix the first time.
7) I phone the company to say the equivalent of 'are you joking?' They say the call out charge should be free.
8) Engineer phones me to say the call out charge will be free, but it will cost him £80 to fix the problem.
9) I point out that I have already paid £80 for him to fix a problem he has not fixed.
10) He says we can only try different possible solutions, at £80 a go, and confirms that he doesn't know what the problem is. He then suggests I get a whole new alarm system put in.
11) I remove myself from the conversation without screaming from him.
Conclusion: when we can afford it, we will get a new alarm system, only not from these grifters. Oh, and now the alarm has reverted to calm sensible mode. if it goes off after I finish writing this, I may just have to get in touch with the local exorcist.

BUPA
1) Before BUPA can get me to a specialist hospital/doctor/whoever, I must get a referral from a GP. However, getting to my GP will easily take weeks.
2)BUPA have a way of getting a GP to refer one pronto. Simply download the app, and another company working for BUPA providing online/phone appointments, will get the referral worked out.
3)Get app.
4) Fear and hate app.
5)Force myself to use app to book phone appointment.
6) Appointment happens, cost; £45 for a couple of minutes of talking to a GP. Conversation goes like this:
GP: what do you think is wrong with you?
Me: I have tendinitis.
GP: I will get you referred to a hospital for dodgy joints and muscles.
Me: Thank you.
GP: No problem. By the way, your account has not been verified, so I cannot give you a referral letter.
Me: But the payment has gone through!
GP: I know, I'm sure it's a mistake. Something about your ID. Phone support (gives me support number)
7) Phone support. Support tells me my passport photo hasn't come through.
8)I send it through again.
9)Phone support asks me for a selfie because that didn't work via the app either.
10)I send another selfie.
11) Support tells me that the referral letter should be on its way.
12)Referral letter does not turn up. I phone back.
13)Support apologises,tells me it's been escalated, and that they will try to get something done.
14)Nothing happens.
15)I phone again and say some polite version of 'send me that letter you b*****ds.'
16) The letter arrives.
17) The letter is sent across.
There will be more, because there always is. I find myself wondering how everything, every single little thing, seems to have got so complicated.

I've often wondered what my spirit animal might be. Some have mused upon the likelihood of it being a spider, but while I am flattered by the connection to creativity and smarts, it's unlikely that I'm some artistic mastermind sitting at a perfect fractal composition, trap and art and jewellery together. I'm much more like those poor lab critters force fed nasty things to see how wonky a web can get while still having strands that join up.