Smokingboot

Well, I was a bloody awful hostess last night.

Oh I didn't swing naked from the chandelier singing expletives at my guests whilst yoinking the good china out of their grasp with my prehensile toes; that at least would have been interesting. No, I just sat there useless and tired, enjoying their company but unable to contribute at all. Thankfully they made teas and stuff and carried the evening, but it is frustrating to be such a drag.

At some stage yesterday I muddled Ralik's special 'anti-cystitis' food with Surya's regular stuff; I never do things like that, I'm aware with the beasties. There's stuff to be done, packing, etc and of course, my old not-quite-abandoned job to attend to, this afternoon.Tonight I travel again, not back til Monday, missing Maelstrom. I am sitting here staring at the screen, can't be bothered to finish my coffee.

Man, I am more than tired.

Of course it could be the stress of new job and much travel, but...there's no getting past it...I don't feel this sense of exhaustion in London. There's a time for everything I guess. The birdsong outside reminds me that this place has been really good for me in its time, and just as I got sick of London and needed a change, so I need a change from here now, not because of any deficiency in place or people but because of my own requirements. Much as I like the idea of having a cat as my totem, it doesn't fit; cats need their same old territory and freak when they lose it. I'm a birdy really - a new nest every Spring suits me fine.

The I Ching, chronicle of venerable Chinese wisdom tells us how to cope with these feelings:

Hexagram 47:

There is no water in the lake
The image of EXHAUSTION
The superior man (meaning anyone who's smart) stakes his life
on following his will.

Which I presume means that when you are drained and feel you have nothing left, you find something that really matters to you and follow it through. Sound advice I would certainly follow...if I wasn't too knackered.

Edited to add I have just remembered last night's dream in which some kind of Madonna(not madge)/ rag doll figure with long purple hair was supposed to be nailed to a cross, though it didn't look at all grotesque - the whole thing was a blue and purple mediterranean style mosaic, very pretty, and she didn't look unhappy at all.