Poor Donkey Body

[smokingboot]

Well, I probably need to talk to the MacMillan nurses, see if anyone's got proper information on Covid, post-Covid and Cancer. I get the impression there is very little solid research on this, the surgeon just shrugged and said one should not affect the other. But since testing clear I've had an infected tooth, a gastric issue,a very sore throat, a stye, and now fiercely painful cramps locking my hands, all in less than 10 days. Friday I went to the Scottish Museum Collections, Saturday I was OK-ish, Sunday I couldn't get out of my pyjamas and felt terrible all day, far beyond fatigue. When I'm too tired to apply mascara, I am pretty damned tired. I have not bought cards or presents, it's like my mind can't hold to anything. Friends are suggesting we meet for lunch this week, I want to be there, hate to cry off but honestly this looks unlikely for me. Haven't sent cards, barely got presents, lights aren't up... Pff. Definitely letting the side down.

Good friend ranting on FB about 'Covid BS' on the Beeb. A part of me wants to contradict her from my experience, but I can't engage in the online world full of random advice and outrage and knowing better. I am not interested in telling anyone to get the jab/ignore the jab/ wear a mask/forget a mask/vote this way/ use the right language/ mind your privilege/ vote that way/ be very angry with Israel/ be very angry with Hamas/ be very angry with the [insert group of choice]/donate here/ do this/ don't do that/believe this/don't believe that/hate this person/ ignore that person/resent this person. Was it always like this? I think people are saturated with the endless social policing; these gentle admonishers would never dare say such things to one in person because it's in the physical truth of a moment, face to face, that we become aware of the impudent controlling nature of these recommendations. Poor Donkey Body says lets quit. I do what I do and you do what you do and let's be OK if we can.

I don't agree with what my friend says, but she's at liberty to express herself, and that for me is an actively cheering thing, this sense of not being permanently braced or squashed or guarded. I have always been like that friend, generally up for confrontation, not worried about the fighting space. But my body says no. It's not a case of meditation or mindfulness or even basic self control, of placing these pressures and burdens down neatly and making choices and decisions, no. Poor Donkey Body has just thrown almost everything off because she cannot carry much else, no, not even the smallest single thing. And she's much stronger than I am, so I have to listen to her. It may be that by the time this is over, I will be a smarter, calmer person, because when she's not haranguing me to phone the doctor, all Poor Donkey Body wants me to do is eat and sleep.

Comments

[mallorys_camera]

Your surgeon is either misinformed or incapable of logical thought. Of course, people with cancer are going to have a tougher time with COVID: You have depleted levels of the immune cells that produce antibodies against viruses.

I suspect what you'll need to do once you recover is to impose all those stringent & highly annoying precautions: Avoid crowds, avoid poorly ventilated indoor spaces, wash your hands frequently, sanitize all frequently touched surfaces often, wear a mask in public, etc, etc, etc.

Till then, you are gonna have to rest, sleep (or listen to podcasts with your eyes closed), and forget about the To Do lists. Your only To Do is recovery, no? 😀

Also—-forgive me for not remembering, but you & R have had COVID before, yes? In the States, doctors prescribe a medication called Paxlovid for COVID patients with what they call co-morbidities. Dunno whether that's a protocol in the UK, but if it is, you might want to consider getting a script should you ever test positive again. It cuts the duration of the disease down considerably, but you have to start taking it fairly soon after initial diagnosis.

[smokingboot]

Yes, now that I know about Paxlovid, I will invoke it by the power of the NHS if I get Covid again, though one doesn't hear of it as a common option here. Your advice is wise, thanks for it, as always.

As for all those to-do lists...I like to think of them as structural help for making me feel good about what I have done in a day. But they're all collapsing, so I may as well sit back and enjoy the panettone :-)

[bleodswean]

Every word of this. First, Covid knocked us out last year in similar fashion, same with my adult kids, and we were only dealing with Covid. It just seemed to take forever to get the body out of the rut on the side of the road...I am so sorry you're dealing with all of this. Please give yourself permission to stay quiet, meditate, rest, and turn away from the things that should be turned away from.

You're absolutely right about all this pontificating. I live in too small a village to be involved in social media because I would kill a body. I want to go back to the days of old when we listened hard and conversed hard, left all the shouting and screaming and pearl clutching to the overly dramatic. Why on earth do these people think we care what the fuck they believe. Ugh. It's disheartening. Turn Away.

[smokingboot]

I want to go back to the days of old when we listened hard and conversed hard

A time that was at once more real, more hard, and more caring.

I will take your excellent advice, thank you XXX

[flemmings]

As the gurus keep saying, Listen to your body. (Have we a choice when it yells so loud?) So eat. Sleep. Let the world wag without you. There will be other Christmases to bustle about in and more people being Wrong on the internet.

[smokingboot]

What you say about other Christmasses is very comforting thank you! Right now I don't feel this one at all. As to the Wrong and the Right, the Wrong are always nearby and the Right follow you home. I think Poor Donkey Body has the best long term strategy for dealing with both.

[asakiyume]

Donkey Body knows best. Listen to her.

Was it always like this? --I don't think so! I think it's a product of online sites and the algorithms that encourage outrage. So now I try to just pay attention to the small friendlinesses of in-person interactions. In grocery checkout lines, say--I'm not talking about people buying people's groceries, just friendly remarks, smiles at babies, that kind of thing.

[smokingboot]

In-person makes for a much better experience of the world. It brightens!