At the sign of the Starving Slattern

[smokingboot]

Today, we cleared out our wardrobes and started our diet.

Bleah.

I do not get this happy zippy feeling of 'Well now, there's a job well done!' about housekeeping; I seriously don't give a damn and would rather just hurl my old clothes out of the windows and eat out of bits of old newspaper.

Right now I am hungry enough to eat the newspaper.

Still, I rediscovered how much cool and mostly purple stuff I still have. Purple is good. And the bedroom does look better; you can see the carpet now. I'm never sure as to why that is considered a good thing, but it is, so huzzah.

Right now I quite want sex, though I am in too weird and cantankerous a mood to really enjoy it, let alone make it enjoyable for anyone else. Maybe my backbrain's just brought it up to divert me from how hungry I am. Unusual sex would be good, sex in a wetsuit perhaps, or in a tank, or on an enormous pizza.

P.S. Did I mention I was hungry?

Comments

[falco-biarmicus.livejournal.com]

Sex in a wetsuit would require that the wet suit was modified - and trust me, if a beach is also involved, the sand gets in, and it suddenly all seems not quite so thrilling......

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Ah but consider...out of the sea comes a man, trident in one hand and big platter of fruits de la mer in the other...he brings me crustaceans. I will crunch them up on my salty sweet tongue and then, when sated, I will turn my attentions to him.

You're right. Time to lose that wetsuit.

[nyarbaggytep.livejournal.com]

May I suggest masturbating while eating pizza?

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Did you ever see the Japanese film, 'Empire of the Senses'? I remember one shot of a woman dipping delicate slices of raw beef into a sauce, then lcaressing herself with it before feeding it to her lover, so that everything he ate would taste of her.

I've said it before and I'll say it again; Japanese cuisine is the sexiest in the world.

[nyarbaggytep.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen it. Sounds interesting.

Mmmmmmmm sushi.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Based on a supposedly true occurence in 30s Tokyo, where a girl took her dead lover's genitals; an interesting film, considered very erotic by everybody except me. Too much beef, not enough sushi.

[november-girl.livejournal.com]

But which hand would you use for which?

either

[nyarbaggytep.livejournal.com]

Why?

Mind you, I'm quite ambidextrous, I suppose if you are particularly strongly r or l handed it may pose a problem? Like patting your head and rubbing your stomach at the same time, only ruder. ;)

Re: either

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

I'm left handed and a klutz, so would probably end up rubbing the pizza into, well, never mind. Suffice it to say I can envisage rediscovering bits of mushroom and anchovy for days afterwards!

[load-of-flannel.livejournal.com]

In a bath of Green and Blacks Ice cream?

Oooooh

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

OK, now I have to go and lie down...

I cry Pax!, Uncle, Enough, whatever will make it stop!

[bytepilot.livejournal.com]

Darling Girl, and indeed your mischevious chums.

No fair, taunting us all with thoughts of your lithe and curvaceous form.
Clad in rubber.
Eating Pizza.

I'm going to have a bit of a lie down now.

Re: I cry Pax!, Uncle, Enough, whatever will make it stop!

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Me too. It was the Green&Blacks that did it. Maya Gold, Oh my!

Re: I cry Pax!, Uncle, Enough, whatever will make it stop!

[bytepilot.livejournal.com]

Oh the humanity...!

Congratulations on the tidying

[lucyas.livejournal.com]

YOU are very virtuous!

Re: Congratulations on the tidying

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

No, Larians is very virtuous. I'm just faking it so he'll cook for me later!

[velvet-the-cat.livejournal.com]

Is it a specific type of diet, or just a 'eat less bad stuff' type of affair?

And given my own return to Situation Diet, I think the less said about Maya Gold and Pizza the better. I know I don't get to eat until we've been out and purchased food! [rumbling tum]

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

It's just an attempt to cut out the rubbish; no alcohol, no chocolate, no bread (for me, a major calorie source) no excess sugars. I cannot get Larians to even contemplate the Atkins!

Byying food when hungry will destroy our good intentions instantly, as we'll just end up eating ready cooked sausages, ribs and chicken, instead of the saintly little stir fry planned for tonight:-P

[velvet-the-cat.livejournal.com]

Ahh... we have a cunning plan to beat the impulse buying of the starving. It's a meal plan for the week. Sounds dull as dishwater in theory, but given how much more controlled our spending was for Christmas when we HAD to plan the parental meals in advance we thought this might be a good way to a frugal January (and heaven knows, we need one)!

As to the reality... we'll see.

I'm back on the NoCount Weightwatchers plan as it certainly seemed to work for me until all the work-based upset took my determination away. I've survived two days of the chocolate/biscuit/left-overs food mountain at work thus far. Easy it is not. Virtuous I am feeling!!!

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Virtuous you are indeed being!

You are right about meat for a week being the way forward. So much list making and organisation...I am dismayed by this sudden tide of rationality!

[velvet-the-cat.livejournal.com]

To our shock tonight's spend was only about two thirds of the normal total AND we've got enough food in to feed for a week bar the two small items that they hadn't got in stock as opposed to the four or so we'd normally end up with. It's definitely a dull way to shop (as a bored Dan will testify), but it's cheaper, faster and diet-friendly!

[semyaza.livejournal.com]

The combination of 'The Starving Slattern' with that icon has me imagining you lying about with your stockings rolled down below your knees.

The trouble with housework being 'a job well done' is that it's a job that has to be 'well done' on a recurring basis. That's where I get off the boat.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

LOL! An alluring sight I promise you!

Totally agree about the housework. That's why I would much sooner clean the bathroom than the kitchen. The latter always need entire repetition within 24 hours. Talk about dispiriting.