Angry of Royton and the beast of Saddleworth moor

[smokingboot]

colonel_maxim used to tell me that living in or near Cheshire it was only a matter of time before I would be drinking gin out of a paper bag, and writing letters of genteel umbrage to the local rag. One of these has come to pass.

It transpires that we have a local big cat. Saddleworth is about 6 miles away, a very pretty place indeed. There have been stories about a big cat on the moor for ages, sightings of it in 2003 resulting in a hunt which supposedly shot and wounded it. It was a panther then. Our latest sighting reports it as a bobcat, and in lieu of any interesting telly some are doing their damndest to make it a thing of terror.

What is it about Brits, that we will wander to the furthermost corners of the earth, ooh and ah at places like Canada and India and Australia, marvel at the beauties of the wild, all the while turning the United Kingdom into Barrathomeland inhabited by shellsuit-clad lardarses. Maybe there was a panther once (those 70s dangerous animal licences led to a lot of big cats being freed) and maybe it was shot by some wannabe big game hunter and died a miserable protracted death. Never a mention of trying to track it down and capture it, no, that lacks the whole torch and pitchfork fervour we love so well. Now, some idiot is talking about the potential threat that a bobcat might be to local pets and livestock. Here's my letter to the paper, truncated for your ease:




It is with delight I read of the possibility of a bobcat in the environs of Saddleworth Moor. But the knee-jerk reaction of worry is extremely disappointing. Yes, there is a very small possibility that a bobcat may take lambs and household pets, but it is likely to be miniscule to the point of non-existant, especially when compared to the pets and livestock worried every day by foxes and uncontrolled dogs. The latter in particular, are a real nuisance. I like dogs, but I don’t like the local habit of setting them free with no owner present. These create real havoc, dirt, and occasionally danger, but I hear of no hunting parties going out to deal with them. I suspect panther shooting has a slightly more dramatic ring to it. Life on the moors must get a little dull.

If the argument is that these pests (the dogs, I hasten to add, not the hunters) are legally owned property, and cannot be randomly popped off by the Saddleworth Safari Hunters, I am perfectly happy to adopt the bobcat, and pay remuneration to anyone who can legally prove damage caused by the creature; just as soon as I have corked all the hedgehog spines in Oldham to preserve our kiddies from getting their fingers pricked.

Yours sincerely, etc,etc...




I am very interested in cryptozoology, and have heard tales of such things that will do well on a dark and misty halloween, but I'll never join any group dedicated to revealing the presence of big cats/wolf packs, cos on this sceptred isle, the best thing that can happen to an unsanctioned beastie is for no-one to guess it's there. Run and be hidden forever, wild things!

Comments

[colonel-maxim.livejournal.com]

And thus my prophecies come to pass. It will be the shotgun and shooting down ramblers next, just you wait and see.

Incidentally, how are all the ponds?

The unchanging ponds

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

The only real difference I can tell between Cheshire pond life and Lancashire pond life is that on weekends the latter lurches out for boogie nights while the former hides in the algaic depths reading soggy copies of Horse and Hound and Period Living. God help us all.