More mysteries of Dad

My brother was with us for dinner last night, and of course, the issue of Dad came up, including these possible siblings. Transpires that Dad told Bro he had 'a couple of kids in Liverpool.' They were both drunk as skunks, but Dad would never have said this if he didn't believe it himself. He spent his life denying affairs and their consequences for as long as he could, and if he thinks those people are his children there is a very good chance that they are.

Dad's sister in law said the DNA tests proved otherwise...but it's all hearsay. Official positive DNA tests might bode ill for my little sister's funds, so Dad's second wife would very much want the idea of more beneficiaries scotched. We don't know how real any of this is. We haven't heard anything. How does one learn? We are both too embarrassed to ask Dad's second wife.

Seems Dad mentioned that there might be something in said will for Bro. He also said that the names of the two possible siblings would be given after his death, and then as Bro tells it, he went upstairs and came down with two old straight razors.
'What would you do with these?' he asked. My brother eyed them in wonder and said he would put them in a display cabinet. 'Ay, that's what I thought,' said Dad, and took them back upstairs.

I asked Bro what he would want, if there was a will. He said that if there was money, he would want his share - he might put it into our stepsister's fund, but he couldn't give it if it wasn't his, and he would be cross at any attempt to 'donate' it without his permission - and he wanted the names and the razors.

Between this and the story of Dad's second wife's amputation (apparently her big toe just proved too much trouble to keep, so she had it whipped off) I am beginning to wonder if Devizes wasn't the model for Royston Vasey. Sweeny Todd, carnies, lost limbs, lost children and the old asylum plus ghosts on the hill... I can't work out whether it's a novel or a video game. If there's a will I wonder what Dad has left me; some ancestor's head in a pickle jar, perhaps, and a diary describing the ancient curse upon our house?

I'm trying not to imagine how cool that would be...