smokingboot: (redflower)
[personal profile] smokingboot
I am writing this because writing is my therapy, but I can imagine that many of my chums would find my details visceral and unpleasant, so be warned, it is intimately physical, very nasty and it happened to me today. Please don't feel you have to read it. I however, have to write it.



I have spent most of the day in A&E/Casualty and Gynie at Lewisham hospital. What follows next is a record of one of the worst days of my life, though it started sweetly enough with me in a little white/pink and brown dotted sixties dress that looks really cute on me, or looked really cute - its high hemline is currently covered in dried blood.

There I was getting on to the train to get to work for the breakfast show. See, there's always a gap between the train and the edge of the platform, and some gaps are smaller than others. I stepped onto the train with one leg - and then the other slipped and fell down the gap, and I fell down too, first caught on the edge of the train, then backwards onto the platform, and lay there, growing stiff and cold while passengers gawped at the tops of my tights, and I suffered that most humiliating of girly nightmares, the horrible sensation of trickling and flooding between my legs with everybody watching. My period had finished two days ago.

'Maybe it's just urine' said a nearby doctor. I was embarrassed at the idea, but more scared when I thought of the alternative. One of the railway, er, guards (I don't know what they do) was talking into his radio and kept asking me if I could descrube where it hurt, what kind of injury it was. I couldn't tell him. 'She's in shock,' he said into the radio. *I'm not in shock!' I screamed at him, though I clearly was. Then I yelled ineffectually at all the spectators, telling them to go away. I was fortunate to have really dark tights on, so there was nothing to see, but still...never have I felt so angry, so vulnerable and stupid.

People were very kind. One lady's posh coat served for a pillow. A gentleman laid his jacket over me, and laughed gently when I said it smelled good. Someone put a towel over me to cover my modesty, such as it was.

Then the ambulance came and the world was full of funny tough sweet people who strapped up my neck and my arms and tethered me to a stretcher for all the world as though I was Hannibal Lecter. They made me laugh all the way to the hospital, possibly not a great idea as the bottom of my stomach hurt like hell. Then miraculously waiting at the hospital, was the stalwart [livejournal.com profile] larians , and just as well, because the shock truly started there, after the x-rays.

They had been wise not to let me see the state of myself below the waist. It was a gorefest, and they looked at it and advised me that I might need stitches. I got very cold and very out of it, and suddenly wanted a dad. Not my dad, you understand, a proper dad, a lovely archetypal caring protective dad, some old London or Kent guy with white hair who called you 'gel' and looked after you, and I felt so sorry for myself it was deeply pathetic. As one lady mentioned later, I had a lovely strong friend looking after me, and she was right. I can't thank him enough for his for being there.

I started seeing the sky through everything, a kind of transparency, which was nice but combined oddly with nausea and dizziness, and this, the doc explained, was down to blood loss. They pumped me full of painkillers, stuck a plug in my arm and hooked me up to stuff that bleeped and other stuff that went into my arm. There was concern about my blood pressure, and they cleaned me up and got me out of the maelstrom that was Casualty (some poor guy came in right after me with a bust up pelvis, and his cries were heart rending) to the soft and quiet world of gynie, where I lay on a sticky plateau of blood soaked pads and sheets, and slept.

Now the problem with gynie world is that it is a woman's world with all the traditional accoutrements, ie children. No, I won't start this again (see earlier posts). Suffice it to say that little Rohanna, having been told not to touch anything in a stern voice, a sweet voice, a pleading voice and a commanding voice, then set off the fire alarm, which no-one could switch off for 20 minutes. Imagine my joy, nay, imagine the joy of the whole ward, people not even related to Rohanna benefiting from her presence. I had to get out.

It took a while. I've been in hospital hands from 7.30 this morning to 9 pm tonight. Observation revealed that stitches were not necessary, and the dramatic wounds are just that - a little blood goes a long way. I have loads of drugs and I have been treated well. But I cannot work tomorrow, and despite my earlier hopes, do not think I can work the next day either.

Still, at least I'm home.
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Date: 2009-06-05 10:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] velvet-the-cat.livejournal.com
Geez honey that's awful. Glad it's not as bad as it first seemed, but still sounds 'orrid for you. Many big, but gentle hugs headed your way.

Don't rush going back to work because you feel you should, listen to your body and get well. It'll pay dividends in the long term. That lovely [livejournal.com profile] larians chap will look after you very nicely I'm sure! :o)

Date: 2009-06-11 06:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Thank you for your kindness and hugs! You are right, both about listening to my body and [livejournal.com profile] larians, who is indeed looking after me very well xxx

Date: 2009-06-05 11:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greatbigshowoff.livejournal.com
What a horrible day. Hope you can curl up and ignore the world until things feel better.

Thank you for your thoughts

Date: 2009-06-11 06:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
I'm certainlyl doing the best I can!

Date: 2009-06-05 11:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] squeezypaws.livejournal.com
Yowsers. How horrible for you. Rest up lots and I hope you make a swift recovery.

Date: 2009-06-11 06:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
You are very kind, thanks for your concerns. It was a bit evil, and I am resting up...but isn't convalescing dull?

Date: 2009-06-05 11:26 pm (UTC)
theo: (Default)
From: [personal profile] theo
Yurk! How very frightening. I hope that the love of your friends helps you to mend.

Date: 2009-06-11 06:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Thanks for your hopes. I find the love and concern of all my friends very healing. Happy Birthday btw!

Date: 2009-06-05 11:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thru-her-lens.livejournal.com
Wow, hun. Please, please don't rush the healing process, take care of yourself.

*gentle hugs*

Date: 2009-06-11 06:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Thank you for those hugs, lovely one x

Date: 2009-06-05 11:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ellefurtle.livejournal.com
Ohmigod that sounds like a truly awful day! You poor thing.

Date: 2009-06-11 06:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Bit grim, I must confess, but getting better. Look forward to seeing you soon:-)

Date: 2009-06-06 01:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] primroseport.livejournal.com
I don't know you, but reading that gave me sympathetic pains and distress. Heal and be alright again.

Date: 2009-06-11 06:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
I'm glad you heard me and felt for me. I am healing. Thank you for being part of that.

Date: 2009-06-06 04:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] semyaza.livejournal.com
The first part was bad enough but no one should have to suffer children as well. You need a long rest and lots of loving care and attention.

Date: 2009-06-11 06:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Thank you for the care and blankie!

Little Rohanna was full of youthful sunshine, I can imagine all that bounce would have made some people very happy - until the fire alarm. Can't imagine that endearing her to anyone!

Date: 2009-06-06 05:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blackcurrants.livejournal.com
Oh! You poor thing - I do hope that liberal applications of rest, and pleasant things, and that nice gentleman friend of yours can help make the healing process as comfortable as possible.

Date: 2009-06-11 06:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Thank you! Rest is happenng and that nice gentleman friend is being a prince, so I'm getting better fast:-)

Date: 2009-06-06 06:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hybridartifacts.livejournal.com
Not exactly a wonderful experience I agree... good to hear it was less dramatic than it looked, but it's still a trauma all the same and if I could actually send you a real hug I would - heres a virtual one instead! *massivehug*.
You will probably need a few days to recover emotionally, let alone physically.

Date: 2009-06-11 06:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
*Massivehug back* thank you, even a virtual hug is nice! Yes, I am having a few issues emotionally. I keep crying, don't know why, I'm painkillered up to the eyeballs and the cuts are actually very small. Guess it's a bit of shock...

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] hybridartifacts.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-06-11 06:39 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2009-06-06 07:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jul1et.livejournal.com
many many gentle hugs xxxx

Date: 2009-06-11 06:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Thank you kind lady, I accept them all happily xxxx

Date: 2009-06-06 08:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] feinoak.livejournal.com
sympathetic and healing vibes being sent your way X

Date: 2009-06-11 06:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Healing vibes accepted with love and gratitude, thank you so much! X
(deleted comment)

Thanks for your hopes

Date: 2009-06-11 06:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
I'm surprised and a bit weirded out by how gross it was, but in the end, the only casualties have been my dignity and my pocket. Time is sorting out the other stuff. Meantime, come on, let's make a programme before one of us dies!

Date: 2009-06-06 10:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] caddyman.livejournal.com
Hey You!

I expect that if you hadn't been a little distracted, you would have been able to find Rohanna's off-switch (just under the rib on the left as you look) or volume button (behind left ear) and had a peaceful time communing with faeries and those odd little aether-nymphs that stagger around hospitals giggling like drunks and getting their droopy wings caught in the swing-doors.

Date: 2009-06-11 06:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
See, that was the good part! As for Rohanna, her grandma beamed at her and her mother smiled saying 'God bless out naughty children,' you could see they were a very happy family. I just don't see why they couldn't have been happy in another hospital!

Date: 2009-06-06 10:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nyarbaggytep.livejournal.com
OMG.
How horrible.
Best wishes for a swift recovery (in all senses of the word).
*gentle hugs*

Date: 2009-06-11 06:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Thank you for your hugs and wishes, I cherish them all and they make me well xxx

Date: 2009-06-06 02:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mitchy.livejournal.com
Eeek! You poor thing! You take proper care of yourself and don't go back until you are really fit and well *hugs tightly*

Date: 2009-06-11 06:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
I will take that hug, keep it and return it at the same time! Lots of love to you, so glad you are having good times xxxx

Date: 2009-06-06 06:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jadeent.livejournal.com
You poor thing! Much love and gentle hugs.

Date: 2009-06-11 06:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Love and hugs greedily accepted and returned, thank you!

Date: 2009-06-06 07:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] november-girl.livejournal.com
Poor thing! That sounds truly shit. I hope you heal more quicly than expected, both physically and emotionally.

Date: 2009-06-11 06:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
You are very kind - and quite correct too, it was indeed truly shit. But I am recovering in every way, thanks to the care and love of those around me. Thank you for being part of that XXX

Date: 2009-06-07 07:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sarahfeeney.livejournal.com
I hope you are feeling a little better now, it goes without saying the lovely Larians will be looking after you I'm sure. Best wishes and I wish I was close enough to offer some ineffectual kind of help.

Date: 2009-06-11 06:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Your warmth and care may be far from me but it is far from ineffectual. It too is loving and helps me heal. Thank you for it with all my heart xxx

Date: 2009-06-07 08:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] evilwillow.livejournal.com
*hugs* Hope you get better soon my dear, don't rush back to work especially if you've been in shock it takes longer to get over than you realise.

Big love to you and Russ and the cats
xx

Date: 2009-06-11 06:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Thank you for your hugs and wisdom. Most of all, thank you for your big love xxx

How right you are, and how well you know me!

I am impatient with my shock, it is slower to shift than the bruises. I don't understand why. It's over now, so if the pain is gone, why is this still so weird?

Date: 2009-06-07 10:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hooverpig.livejournal.com
Oh sweetheart. That sounds absolutely horrific. Take virtual hugs and tea until I can give you the real thing.

Thank you!

Date: 2009-06-11 06:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Looking forward to the real thing but happy to enjoy virtual hugs and tea until we meet!

Date: 2009-06-08 11:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] squintywitch.livejournal.com
Oooohowee.

You poor thing. Hospitals are shite places to be.

Date: 2009-06-11 06:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Heh, it was indeed ooooohoweee! I approached the station yesterday for the first time since the accident. My brain tries to forget but my punami forgives nothing.

I feel awe and admiration for folks working in Casualty/A&E. Mine was a tiny problem compared to some, I don't know where you find the mental strength to face so much pain - no way could I do that every day!

Date: 2009-06-08 09:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ravenrigan.livejournal.com
Big hugs. Boo for embarrassing falling down and small children, yay for the kindness of strangers. PLEASE don't go back to work too soon, allow yourself a few fragile days. You need to look after yourself!

Date: 2009-06-11 06:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Thank you Raven, you are so kind. I haven't gone back to work - truth is, I've lost hundreds of pounds this week. But you're right. Healing has to take priority xxx

Date: 2009-06-09 07:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cat-that-walks.livejournal.com
Sounds nasty. At least you`re out of hospital and thus have a chance to recover.

Date: 2009-06-11 06:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
LOL! Walking out of there was certainly therapeutic:-) On another note, I hope your shoulder is doing betterxx

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] cat-that-walks.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-06-11 06:04 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2009-06-09 09:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] load-of-flannel.livejournal.com
Ow!


Also

Ow!

and

Ow!

Date: 2009-06-11 06:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smokingboot.livejournal.com
Yup! Also Yup and Yup!

May I recommend absolutely never doing this if you can possibly help it?
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