Instagram and other grievances

[smokingboot]

I tried, I failed. S*d off, Instagram.

In other news, well, finding new inspiration is not so easy. I am a little worried about my eldest Aunt, aka The Termagent, who is complaining that the family are not treating her well, that they want to steal her money, that they never spend time with her. I think this is morphine talking. She wants me to come over and live with her as a companion for 500-600 Euros a month. She forgets I have a life here, and anyway, if she thinks her sister and carer for the last god knows how many years is suddenly nicking her cash, anyone who lives with her will be the next suspect. No, I think her pain medication needs adjusting. She won't leave her bed, she won't eat what they give her, she wants company that sits by the bed and watches daytime TV with her. Her younger sister, a spring chicken in her 60s, has been looking after her for years. There's nothing untoward going on, it's just that said younger sister is herself a grandmother of the Andalusian variety, i.e. there's generally a small crowd of people needing her attention, and though the Termagent is very high on the list, it is still a list.

The Termagent talks about going into sheltered accommodation, which might be great, but the problem is the same: if she won't leave her bed, she's not going to find company anywhere. She is freaking the hell out about her UK pension, but I can't give her any news because there's nothing to know yet. Is it an old people thing, that they fret about their cash so much? She was never like this before. Nothing has gone wrong. She is just bored, frustrated and lonely without wanting to do a single thing to change the situation. Her sister's family live in the flat next door, she could go and sit there with them all but of course, the children playing, the people coming in and out, the lack of quiet and the fact that it won't all be her TV choices doesn't make that easy. The lady doesn't compromise, which is fine if one is content in one's own company, but she isn't. She talks about returning to England.

I don't think that will work at all.

It's Andalusia day today, I'll give her a ring tonight. I need to find something de-grumping to entertain her.

Comments

[mallorys_camera]

Yes, it is kind of an old person thing to fret about cash if they're on a fixed income. Prices keep going up; the pension remains the same.

I speak here as an old person (66) myself! And I'm quite pleased to answer any questions you may have about our other habits. :-)

[smokingboot]

A UK state pension is inflation linked so should keep going up as prices go up... From what you say I imagine the same does not hold in the States? A very sobering thought if it's the case.

66? This same Aunt at 20 years older than you, would consider you a flighty spring chicken. You are younger than my youngest aunt, considered a zestful gadabout by her sisters!

[mallorys_camera]

I don't feel old. :-)

It's always a shock to think about my chronological age and realize, But you are. (You're a Whatever Happened to Baby Jane fan! So imagine that in the tones that Bette Davis uses when Joan Crawford says, "What if I wasn't in this wheelchair?" and she answers, "But you are, Blanche. You are." :-) )

[magpiehaunt]

Having lived through many family members growing old and going through the end of their years, they do tend to fret and worry about things more - some on an almost constant loop. It can be down to meds, or a blunting of faculties, or simply that they don't have enough to do to keep them distracted and happy. And it's not only not wanting to change the situation, but lacking the ability to envisage things any other way, or not knowing what they can do, or feeling overwhelmed by facing their twilight years. It's scary and saddening to watch, so I can only imagine how isolating it must be to live through unless you're lucky enough to have an established and present social circle/living spouse/wide variety of interests and the vim to carry on indulging them.

[magpiehaunt]

To add something from my own experience, when I am desperately depressed (including when that depression comes directly from loneliness), there are many things I want and need and that would make me feel better, but I don't have the capacity or energy to either arrange them or cope with them. It's a cruel downward spiral and the ultimate cruelty is that you can see yourself doing it, and are almost entirely powerless to stop the descent.

[smokingboot]

These sound like very difficult experiences to experience and envision. I'm sorry you had to see it, and respect also your relatives who had to go through these things.

My aunt is in a singular situation. She lives next door to her youngest sister, who has been looking after her for years. But this year, eldest aunt (86) has taken to living in her bed and watching TV. Now she can do this next door in company (like many Spanish families there is seating around a table that has a heater under it and blankets over it) but she doesn't like the fact that so much is happening around her, children and guests and bustle, nor can she dictate what is on the TV. She is a lady who likes people and gossip, so I cannot understand why this is difficult for her. She has never been a lady of many inner resources, all of her gifts being extrovert. There have been lots of demands for food which she then refuses once it's been made, accusations of poisoning, accusations of stealing... Her sister puts up with it all. But with a large family of children and grandchildren, all clamouring for attention, even this most patient of women must get weary. My mother, a bouncing whippet of a woman at 81, may pop by, but she insists on advising my eldest Aunt on things she could do to improve matters, and my eldest Aunt is not used to taking advice, least of all from her little sisters.

I think this is about meds and pain management. And I haven't a single clue what to do about it.