smokingboot

I know it's going to be a good day for the world, but the last 24 hours have been pretty dismal for me.

Perhaps yesterday's strain had its influence on what just happened.

I used to get migraines in clusters; lost a term to them. Then they disappeared and what I got was the pre-migraine symptoms without the actual migraine. These can best be described as like lightning strokes quivering under water, and when they went, they left me with a mild headache and exhaustion. Then they grew even less painful, and became an inconvenience. I still couldn't do any work when they happened, I still had to lie down in a dark room but it wasn't agonising so not really anything to complain about.

It's been years since I really suffered these. Then I had a severe one a few days ago, and mild headaches since. The migraine has been threatening return ever since and this morning arrived in spades, a variant with flashing colours that I have never had before. To add to it were sensory hallucinations, bad smells that came and went very quickly and the most peculiar auditory sensation. I had to retreat to bed, and lay there under the covers. I could feel my husband asleep breathing beside me (he's got some kind of winter lurgy) I could hear my own breathing... And then what sounded like someone breathing on the other side of me. Was it an echo? I slowed my breathing down, the sound carried on unchanged. I turned on my side towards the breathing. It stopped.

The lights and quivering have stopped, I have a mild headache now. I have counselling in about an hour and 40 minutes, I don't think I can do it. Of course I can do it. But the beeps of EMDR might be a bit much in my ears. But this would be cancellation with extremely short notice, awful. I might be better by then. I don't know.

Test it, keep writing. All of this might be exacerbated by yesterday's stress. My mother is determined not to take any vaccine, and she is in her 80s. Yesterday she contacted me in near panic, saying that she had just seen a video where the Spanish PM made vaccination mandatory. I contacted the family, they say there has been no such declaration, she has got her news confused. She is not having that of course, but I have linked her to the

Great. Now nausea. Now that I recall, I had this last night. I didn't throw up then and I am not going to throw up now. This isn't will power, I just know my body.

I linked her to the Spanish government website. Of course this is a double edged sword; if it ever does become mandatory, that's where it will say so. And on that day, is when my mother could put her own life in danger. Her illness is delusional, and she is quite capable of disappearing, taking all her money out and just running away, impossible to find. Or just hiding in her house and not going out to buy food to eat. If they ever did force a vaccine into her, I wouldn't put it past her to try to scrabble it out from under her skin. She is extremely ill, and all that stops this from becoming frightening is a lack of major triggers.
This would be a major trigger.

A very slight sense of nausea, no, I am not going to be ill, and the headache is minor. It hurts, but it is nothing. I am exhausted.

It's only 10.05 am.