An Empty Place

[smokingboot]

Here I go again, wanting to run away from pain.

When I close my eyes, I can hear voices outside, people on the way to school or work, my husband talking to his colleagues, the occasional car.

And I want to just get dressed and get on a train. Where to? Possibly Tignabruich, to ask Dad to take care of our little cat. Today, bestie sent me the photo of a lit candle placed for Surya. It caught my breath and made me cry. Maybe Ardnamurchan would be better, one road in one road out, wilderness. Sea sound and birds and emptiness.

But it's silly. If I am going to collapse anywhere it might as well be here. And anyway, I am not going to collapse. How hard it feels just to breathe! I will move, pick some wet thyme and crush it between my hands, connect into life. There is a lot to do after all, if I just get up.

Comments

[velrist]

You take all the time you need. I was bereft after I lost CJ and I only had her for a few years. I cried when I saw Surya had gone, I'm crying now and I'm only her fairy catmother. You are her human.

I can't wait until we finally get to see people again, there are some very long overdue hugs that need to be given.

I miss you and the rest of the crew, more than I can say.

[smokingboot]

Thank you for your kindness.

We were very fortunate to have her. And she was very fortunate to have the most wonderful fairy catmother.

Miss you, and looking forward to those hugs XXX