A little low...

[smokingboot]

Hmm, maybe more than a little. This feels clinical; while I have the usual worries, there's nothing triggering it. I am hungry a lot of the time, my mood is low, and while it may be caused in part by Covid recovery time dragging on, the exhaustion is becoming a chicken and egg situation. Yes, the tiredness may trigger the depression but tiredness is also a symptom of depression. I don't know. All I know is that I am here, and need to take steps to sort it out. I'll avoid medication if possible. It helps my base mood but leaves me feeling sleepy and fat, which then depresses me further.

I feel particularly crap about this because I have had a lovely Summer, and there's more to come. I have no right to feel this way. Maybe I just need more sleep and vegetables.

Then there's the cleaner. She does her work, no problem, but she is a bit irregular. The week before last, she didn't come because of family issues - not that she told me at the time. Three days later she contacted with an explanation. We agreed that she owed me a 3-4 hour block of work, but she asked that that free block be this week, so OK I paid for last week. This week, she is not turning up again, apparently due to family stuff. I am half expecting her to now disappear without working the hours she's been paid for. Huh. We will see.

Comments

[mallorys_camera]

You're still a very recent immigrant to your parts, no? Do you think you might be feeling lonely? I mean, you moved from a place where you were very well networked (London) to a place where you don't know that many people, right? And I have to think public transit systems are not as good where you are now, which means it's more of an issue to get out and about, no?

You do have an interesting history with cleaners! 😀

[smokingboot]

If I'm lonely, I am not detecting it consciously. There's been lots of meetings with friends as well as Whatsapp/online conversations,so from that perspective, I feel OK. The whole local socialising thing has certainly been delayed by lockdown etc,but thanks to chums old and new, I'm not forlorn. Having said that, getting out and about has been definitely been limited!

There are a couple of things on my mind, stuff I am waiting for, worries about my mother and my brother... But most of all, I think I just have a touch of the Lady Marjories. Where is my gardener? Where is my cleaner? Am I really expected to do this all by myself ? Oh god, and now even the chauffeur's gone! *Waves hanky weakly in front of face* What's wrong with these people? 

Cleaners, hmm. Inspired by your comment I decided to ask Morgan's Tarot. It's a simple question:What is it with me and cleaners? 
Here's the answer I got: https; http://www.sleepbot.com/morgan/card/freak.html

[mallorys_camera]

Refreshing influences may dispel your anxiety.

Ha, ha, ha, ha! 😀

[smokingboot]

you can always rely on Morgan's Tarot! 😀