Introspection; the dark side of the boot
Nov. 20th, 2003 03:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
smokingbootI am in an odd mood today, possibly because I did a late night shift and am due another tonight…but dunno, there’s a curious feeling around, and I am trying not to bite it…The rest of this post is very introspective and dull, and I will cut it, out of respect to those who want to enjoy reading LJs!
Did a bit of meandering through friends of friends’ lj’s. I have never wandered so far before, as I want to keep myself private, but there is also some really interesting stuff out there. I would like to tell people how cool I think it is, but I don’t know enough about LJ etiquette to dare. Public status is self evident, so no point being precious, but it seems impolite to honk in with un-asked for comments. I guess the deal is to read, admire, move on. But I inadvertantly came across an interesting post on honesty and where it becomes rudeness and it really made me think.
Honesty. I pride myself on my honesty, but I’m not sure I should. I try to use tactful honesty with my friends (unless alcohol is involved!) and often fail, cos what is in my head or heart comes out of my mouth the moment I trust the people I’m with.
Conversely, when I don’t care, or actively dislike someone, I just don’t bother with tact, and go for the cold hard truth. Monstrous! Who am I to judge? But I do. And because I can empathise if I try, my insights are often correct. But do insights given by someone who exposes your flaws and then sits back waiting for you to trip over constitute karmic help? Possibly. In a ‘Devil as ally’ sort of way. But that is reaching. People I don’t like tend to have one characteristic in common: a real deep down lack of personal integrity. That’s my button. That’s what sets my phaser on kill. And it’s also my most arrogant, if correct, judgement!
There is a cold hard side to Smokingboot; I am perfectly happy to tell people who’ve annoyed me something thoroughly true and watch them fuck themselves up by trying to avoid /rationalise/ forget it. I can’t be arsed to run around making people’s lives unhappy, cos my own life is so full of happy bustly-ness, but I am totally capable of watching and laughing as the flaw they avoided sorting in the first place raises its head again and again and again, and I just love it when they run away. Judgemental and cruel, and being Right doesn’t help. Naughty Boot!
And there’s the rub. I really don’t like to lie – now that is weird, after all this, to realise that I almost never lie - but the truth can be painful, and given the right (or the wrong) circumstances, I am quite capable of enjoying its’ effect. And that is not a cool way to be. Things have changed since BB and I got together, and I found a home, security, real love, honesty, integrity and friendship all bundled under one chummy little roof. But I won’t deny that a Tower Raven sits in my heart ready to peck out the eyes of traitors and gibbet-scum. I’m not the hangman, but I’ll be there, sitting on the beam, cawing ‘I told you so!’ and, I am afraid, laughing. Very Naughty Boot! It’s not my only totem, but it’s perhaps the one with the most negative connotations, one I should remember to respect and not gloss over, because it is powerful.
Wow. That is the most honest I have been on my LJ. And it doesn’t hurt a bit. How surprising is that?
Did a bit of meandering through friends of friends’ lj’s. I have never wandered so far before, as I want to keep myself private, but there is also some really interesting stuff out there. I would like to tell people how cool I think it is, but I don’t know enough about LJ etiquette to dare. Public status is self evident, so no point being precious, but it seems impolite to honk in with un-asked for comments. I guess the deal is to read, admire, move on. But I inadvertantly came across an interesting post on honesty and where it becomes rudeness and it really made me think.
Honesty. I pride myself on my honesty, but I’m not sure I should. I try to use tactful honesty with my friends (unless alcohol is involved!) and often fail, cos what is in my head or heart comes out of my mouth the moment I trust the people I’m with.
Conversely, when I don’t care, or actively dislike someone, I just don’t bother with tact, and go for the cold hard truth. Monstrous! Who am I to judge? But I do. And because I can empathise if I try, my insights are often correct. But do insights given by someone who exposes your flaws and then sits back waiting for you to trip over constitute karmic help? Possibly. In a ‘Devil as ally’ sort of way. But that is reaching. People I don’t like tend to have one characteristic in common: a real deep down lack of personal integrity. That’s my button. That’s what sets my phaser on kill. And it’s also my most arrogant, if correct, judgement!
There is a cold hard side to Smokingboot; I am perfectly happy to tell people who’ve annoyed me something thoroughly true and watch them fuck themselves up by trying to avoid /rationalise/ forget it. I can’t be arsed to run around making people’s lives unhappy, cos my own life is so full of happy bustly-ness, but I am totally capable of watching and laughing as the flaw they avoided sorting in the first place raises its head again and again and again, and I just love it when they run away. Judgemental and cruel, and being Right doesn’t help. Naughty Boot!
And there’s the rub. I really don’t like to lie – now that is weird, after all this, to realise that I almost never lie - but the truth can be painful, and given the right (or the wrong) circumstances, I am quite capable of enjoying its’ effect. And that is not a cool way to be. Things have changed since BB and I got together, and I found a home, security, real love, honesty, integrity and friendship all bundled under one chummy little roof. But I won’t deny that a Tower Raven sits in my heart ready to peck out the eyes of traitors and gibbet-scum. I’m not the hangman, but I’ll be there, sitting on the beam, cawing ‘I told you so!’ and, I am afraid, laughing. Very Naughty Boot! It’s not my only totem, but it’s perhaps the one with the most negative connotations, one I should remember to respect and not gloss over, because it is powerful.
Wow. That is the most honest I have been on my LJ. And it doesn’t hurt a bit. How surprising is that?
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My introspective rambling response
Date: 2003-11-19 07:55 am (UTC)I used to think that honesty was all important, but now I know that it is important to think about how and when you're honest. What purpose will it serve? If I ask a question I want an honest answer, otherwise I wouldn't ask the question, but if the opinion/information is offered without the question being asked and will serve no purpose, then what's the point?
With reference to what you've said above: truth hurts more than fiction. There's nothing that can upset someone like knowing that you're right - they can't discount it then. Of course, the truth that really hurts is that for which we are not prepared: if someone tells me that I'm selfish that doesn't hurt because I have come to realise that I am immensely so, but if someone pointed out something that I hadn't noticed, but considered on reflection that they were right I would probably be upset (unless it was an opinion that I had requested and therefore prepared myself for).
In relation to personal integrity, I find it a very interesting subject as I'm never quite sure what it means (hopefully that doesn't mean I'm completely lacking in it!). In order to avoid going completely mad we must all be able to justify our own actions to ourselves by our own values. Is it possibly the case that you just can't understand the values of those you consider to have no integrity?
no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 01:06 pm (UTC)But thank you for giving me so much to think about!
What are eye-teeth anyway?
no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 01:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-19 01:31 pm (UTC)November_Girl's point about integrity has me thinking hard. Yes, people justify themselves to themselves to feel better. Rapists say 'She was asking for it,' paedophiles say 'Kids love it.' Whether they really believe their own drivel is another matter. Surely integrity is not about creating a system of values whereby one's own ego is the winner. The people I can't stand are those who will sacrifice every truth and twist every perception to gratify their egos.
Livejournal ettiquette ...
Date: 2003-11-21 03:24 am (UTC)LJ gives me as an author a number of tools to decide who can read my posts - I can open them to the world, I can show them only to my friends, or a subset of my friends. I can show them only to myself.
And I have similar control over who comments. I can allow anyone to do so. I can set it so only my friends can, or only people with LJ accounts.
And I can set these parameters for each post.
That being the case, I feel that if I am willing to allow anyone to comment on something I have written by using those settings, then anyone has the right to comment. If I only want my friends to comment, then I should set things thus.
I apply the same rules (to an extent) to posts I read. If something moves me, or means something, or is particularly well expressed, and the author has set things so that I can comment, I will. If they don't like my comments, they have the right and the ability to delete them.
I doubt I would comment on something that offends me - I don't know this random stranger, and don't know why they have posted what they have. And (and this may come as a surprise) I don't take enjoyment from the fight anymore. I'd rather use my energy positively.
For the record, my default settings are that anyone with an LJ can comment on my posts - I dislike anonymity and so choose not to allow it on my journal. Other people's perspectives may differ.
Re: Livejournal ettiquette ...
Date: 2003-11-21 03:37 am (UTC)Re: Livejournal ettiquette ...
Date: 2003-11-21 04:04 am (UTC)My favourite uncle died this week. He had been ill with various ailments for 30 years or so; as long as I've been conscious of him, I guess. Hence the candles, and the introspection.
no subject
Date: 2003-11-21 09:41 pm (UTC)Deepest sympathies and respect.