About hair

[smokingboot]

From the book of Booteronomy Chapter 24:

And the LORD spake unto the Boot and said, 'What hast thou done? For the smoke and sweat of clubbing hath smacked up thy hair badly; thine ends are dry as a swarm of locusts upon the fields of Boaz; I would anoint thy head with oil, saving only that there is no need, for more slick are thy roots than the wells of Canaan, and the dry shampoo thou hast used to conceal thy ruin hath left a residue of grey dust upon thee; for behold! grim art thou, and thou lookest a total fright.'

And the Boot said, 'Thanks O LORD. Thou knowest well how to cheer a girl up.' And the Boot gazed in dismay at the carnage, and read again the blessed words of the LORD;

For the hair of the Boot is straight; and straight is the hair of the Boot, and utter thickness awaits therein, and therefore thou shalt attempt non of this perm/curling/gelling stuff, for all thy efforts will avail thee nought, thy hair shall mock thee and thy pretty curls shall fall out to leave thee looking akin to a dejected spaniel. Nor shalt thou try crimping, lest thou resemblest the infamous Crystal Tips, nor shalt thou backbrush thy locks upon peril of breaking the teeth of the comb or, should the wrath of the LORD descend, those of the hairdresser.

Thou shalt not try anything fancy even for deadmandancing's birthday bash tonight, for yea, I know thou are tempted by rainbow toxins and strange unsanctified herbs* nor shall thou be drawn away by the false idols of blow-drying and scrunching, for lo, the denizens of Leeds shall see thee, aye, they shall see thee with thine enormous 80's hair that sticketh out even unto the ends of the earth, and they will laugh at thee.

Thy hair shall be fed, it shall be watered, and then thou wilt leave it be.

And as it was written, so it was done.


*'She claims she puts them on her hair your honour...'

Comments

[ravenrigan.livejournal.com]

Those of us with fine flyaway curly hair which NEEDS to be precision cut, (because it steadfastly refuses to grow longer than a ratty collar length) blowdried or straightened, loaded with all kinds of strange (and expensive) products and dyed (because it's natural hue is an unprepossessing mouse colour) to look like anything except something the cat threw up look at the naturally long thick lustrous straignt hair of the boot, and our little hearts do bleed! Really they do......

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

I have never seen your hair look ratty, ever!

And you can curl it into all sorts of pretty shapes and it will stay like it for ages. This is something I have never had. One of my clearest hairdressing memories is of Carrie nearly breathing fire as a hank of my hair, gelled, set and locked in curlers overnight was sprung loose, rolled out and hung there, straight as a curtain. Her eyes flashed as she roared,'I am not going to be beaten by this, it's only bloody HAIR!'

[mitchy.livejournal.com]

*giggles at post and reply*

And the Mitchy spaketh and sayeth "Thank ye for the mirth, for verily, having to go to work on a Monday, even if later than usual due to having the morning off, does sucketh muchly and taketh much willpower to prise thy lazy ass out of the door. Laughing like a drain does restoreth thy energy."

:)

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Thus saith the LORD; 'This once I shall relent and stay my hand from smiting the idiot heathern, Smokingboot, for she hath brought laughter to the face of Mitchy, who worketh long and hard and is lovely in my sight.'
And at this, the LORD smiled, for he knew that it was good.

[binidj.livejournal.com]

And the Lord saith unto the Boot, "Go then and heed my words, lest the fate of the hair of the Bin befall thee also in equal measure."

Monday's child

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

You are one of those men who get away with a touch of the Jean-Luc. So many guys just don't have the features. Luck and genes, that's all the help we get!

thinks again

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Ok, maybe not all the help we get!

[hybridartifacts.livejournal.com]

hmmm-I know that there is an awful lot in the Old Testament about mold (good and bad mold, how to recognise which types of mold are bad and when to call in a Priest to cleanse the mold, etc) but I missed the bits on hair care. These lost books just keep on turning up... rumours of a lost book of the OT about cleaning your teeth properly have recently been doing the rounds as well.

Oh, and Crystal Tips-shes soooo gorgeous. Such 70s style. So hip and groovy. Who can but adore her?
(well, actually the show used to give me the creeps)

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

We didn't have a colour tv then, so I missed out on the groovy colours. The butterfly is gorgeous, but what did Crystal and Alisdair actually do?

It's questions like this that keep me awake at night.

[hybridartifacts.livejournal.com]

Its weird to think it wasn't all that long ago people didn't have colour TVs...I can remember the first thing we saw in colour on Tv was hawaii 5 o - and there was a really bloody (for the time) scene that put my mum off watching TV in colour again for ages.
I think Crystal Tips and Alisdair just sort of pranced around and chased the butterfly-they din't really DO anything. Blame all the drugs influencing animators in those days. Another classic of drugieness was Tog and the Plant in The Poggels...I recall an episode when Pippen and tog were told by the Plant to eat some of its leaves and were transported into a totally different dimension...