7 years ago

[smokingboot]

I wandered up Silbury Hill, the night before Mayday, low mist below the mound, all round the roads into Avebury. Three in the morning, the crusties all asleep in their teepees, lights under the stars. Legend has it that the devil and St John had a fight, throwing clods of earth at each other. Where the devil hit John he built his church in my home town, Devizes; where John hit the devil became Silbury hill.

When I was small I dreamt of a great horned man telling me I was safe in the hill, in 'The Land of the Dead' as he called it, repeating the phrase twice so I would not forget. So the grown up child in me was always convinced Silbury was a great round barrow, while the real kid in my soul never doubted it was a fairy rathe.

Seven years ago before dawn I had a very strange experience on that hill, and there will never be a way to describe it clearly, so I'll not bother. Later that year, a hole crumpled through the top of the hill, and a hole crumpled through a relationship in my life. The hill was saved, the relationship fared far more ill, disintegrating dangerously and taking much with it; a hole in my head, a hole in my heart, seriously thought I was dying, wanted to die, and didn't because bloody-minded anger kept me going. I am proud that even in pain and weakness, I would not let betrayal have such a hold on me. And more proud that while I do not forget, I have pretty much forgiven, except where it is funnier to spike;-)

Today I am sillier, wiser, more compassionate, clearer of mind. A truly loved person, a better writer, a deranged catmama, a woman who achieved some childhood dreams and a little success on her own terms - and somehow, I have become more of a girl, to the disgust of my inner tomboy; there are more pretty dresses in my world now, more perfumes and smiles and sparkles. Seven years since a fantasy world ended, and the real world began slowly to metamorphose into something fantastic. It was painful but then powerful change often is. Looking back I find that as fairy gifts go, it was pretty awesome.

I learnt a harsh lesson all those years ago, about real friendship. To you who make my world beautiful by your presence and put up with all my merciless moodings, thank you. Here's to Beltane, and the Gates of Summer; I love Mayday and I'm probably quite keen on you too. Remember to leave milk out for those pixies!

Comments

[erestania.livejournal.com]

A joyous Beltane to you too my dear!

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Here's to a kind and beautiful summer for us all:-)

[ravenrigan.livejournal.com]

Happy Beltaine darling! You deserve your growth and happiness.

I had so hoped to go to Avebury for Beltaine but the curse of the drinking classes intervened.

We had a lovely pre Beltaine ritual with Ravenwing though. Allof us were having deep darkish inward looking beltaines, so we dicided to take the purifying theme of the Beltaine fire. It turned into industrial strength purifying with great boughs of rosemary burnt on the fire, a salt waterfight, and quaffing and banishment by laughter. You probably had to be there, but it was great!

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Your ritual sounds lovely. Rosemary is so gorgeous, and this year it is flowering in abundance. Strangely, purification seems a good strong theme for this Beltane, but I can't quite work out why.

Happy Beltane lovely woman, and many May hugs to you and yours!

[ravenrigan.livejournal.com]

I have a theory that each festival in some way reflects and contains the seed of its opposite. My Beltaine has been especially challenging, surrounded by dark circumstances, deaths, crime and fear.

Whereas Samhain last year was rather gentle, saying farewell to Isis, welcoming the new cats, forging new friendships and launching new projects.

Go figure.....

[cat-that-walks.livejournal.com]

'Remember to leave milk out for those pixies!'

They prefer beer in bottles over here. The bottles are always useful in riot season.

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

I hear they like mead or whisky, which probably explains why so much of it disappears around our house...funny though, the disappearance doesn't correlate to dates at all. Truly a mystery!

[hybridartifacts.livejournal.com]

I don't know-Im getting the suspicion that these days the faerie folk want you to leave out a Bacardi Breezer and top up cards for their mobile phones. Maybe we have a worse class of non-trad faerie round here or something.

Life is all about holes and what we fill them with-about leave takings, emerging possibilities and change. Newness is important and usually comes with a price. But the results can be great.

Your post reminded me of an old devotional prayer Rick Wakeman (damn Im showing my age even mentioning the guy) put to music:

"I asked for strength that I might achieve;
I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey
I asked for health that I might do greater things;
I was given infirmity that I might do better things
I asked for riches that I might be happy;
I was given poverty that I might be wise
I asked for power that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;
I was given life that I might enjoy all things
I got nothing I had asked for, but everything that I had hoped for
Almost despite myself my unspoken prayers were answered;
I am, amongst all men, most richly blessed"

Learning to take what life gives you and make good of it is perhaps the wisest thing we can do.

How beautiful is this!

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life
I was given life that I might enjoy all things

Thank you for posting the prayer.

As for wisdom, well I have a long way to go before I can make any claim to even basic commonsense, but considering where I started, it could be worse;-)

Re: How beautiful is this!

[hybridartifacts.livejournal.com]

I think we all have a long way to go with wisdom-its a rather elusive quality we tend to only rent for a little while and never own...
My favorite part of that devotion is the one you quoted btw. Its something that is so easy to forget-but makes such a difference when remembered.

Re: How beautiful is this!

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

It certainly made a difference to me to read it (beams)

[lucyas.livejournal.com]

Happy belated Beltane!

I have to say yesterday definitely felt like a good Beltane (although I could have done without the foxes loudly celebrating in Beltane spirit just outside my window last night while I was tryng to sleep) :)

[smokingboot.livejournal.com]

Fox celebrations are always alarming. Their barks sound so sharp and rusty. Happy Belated Beltane to you and JD!

[jadeent.livejournal.com]

Thank you my dear.